Do We Shape Our Children or Do They Shape Us?
When Influence Flows Both Ways
While reading the book The Life Span by Patricia Broderick and Pamela Blewitt, I came across the phrase, “Remember that influences on development are often bidirectional”. I immediately paused as it deeply resonated with me. It was the perfect articulation of something I’d witnessed, time and again, as a parent.
Development is a two-way street!
Take this moment with my kids. It’s bedtime, and we’re locked in that classic, end-of-day battle — “Five more minutes, please!” echoes through the house. I start firm, knowing that if I let this slide, the domino effect of chaos could spill into tomorrow. But then I watch their little face, full of hope and negotiation, and something shifts in me. I remember the many times I asked for “just a little longer” when I was their age, tugging on the same string of resistance. I ease up, allowing a few extra minutes, and in doing so, something shifts in them too. They calm down, reassured by the flexibility, and ultimately go to bed without fuss.
That small exchange isn’t just about bedtime. It’s about the push-and-pull of influence we share. As parents, we shape our children, but they shape us right back. There’s a dance of give-and-take — of boundaries tested and recalibrated.
